Hurt...or be hurt

My heart is a very delicate thing. I think the saying goes..."I wear my heart on my sleeve." I always have, and I'm sure I always will. I fall quickly for girls which I'd say is one of my biggest pitfalls because that means that I jump in to relationships with girls, or try to at least, only to have them get freaked out and push me away, all because I love spending time to get to know someone. Within the last 3 months, I'd say I have dated more then I have in my entire life. I loved it. I had a girl for each of my moods...I had churchie, I had Provo girl(lol...ie a little skanky, but I still behaved), I had a divorced girl, I dated a cougar(36 years old, she was way hot, but so mental), I even attempted to date the meanest girl I have ever met in my life. I enjoyed the variety that I had, until I realized that none of these girls were what I was looking for. They each had different qualities, some good, and some bad. What I realized was, none of these girls wanted any commitment. I said about 2 months ago, that I didn't want to commit to just one person, when really, deep down inside, my little heart wanted more. Within the past year, I have done some pretty mean things to girls, a few deserved it, while others just happened to be there on one of my bad days. When I realized the things that I was doing, I was pretty upset at myself. My family raised me to be the nice guy which I'm glad to be labeled the nice guy....but nice guys finish last. Girls don't want the nice guy until its time to get married. When I looked around at all the a-holes dating and hooking up with the hottest girls, I started taking notes. What is it that the badass guys do that makes girls want them. Well for one they do mean things to girls, not like make you cry mean but just enough to get the attention of their prey. They don't call when they say, they pretend they don't care, and of course, they will try and push the sexual limit. When I was 22 I started putting my little notes in action. That summer, I hooked up with 21 girls within a 2 month time. I will never forget, or match those 2 months ever again in my life. The drawback to being mean is that you don't end up in any serious relationships. I quit being mean, and have reverted to the nice guy again. But my niceness ends when girls are mean. Take Sarah for example. I was so so so nice to her only to have her be mean to me. She is the "Provo girl" that I dated, and yes, she lives at the Belmont. Unfortunately, she is good friends with my good friends which means that we still see each other. Last night I saw her. The first thing that came out of her mouth was "Steve..why do you hate me?" Mind you, there was other people in the room. So after 10 minutes of her asking me why I don't talk to her, the worst thing came out(also the best thing I have ever said)...."Well, how about the time that you got mad at me for not asking you out on a date...and when I asked you, you never called me back..never text me back...or how about the time that you came to outback on a date....or how about this...how about the time you hooked up with my friend knowing full well who he was!!" I think she was shocked because it shut her up for a few minutes. Needless to say, I left soon after. I guess I just got sick of being treated badly so ultimately out of all the girls I was dating, I chose the nice girl, and ditched the mean ones. I'm currently happy and worried. I'm happy I found someone again, but worried that she is going hurt me. Hurt...or be hurt, that's how I feel. Either you are the one to hurt, or are the one that gets hurt.